In classic Texas English dialect, there are a whole bunch of letters you just don’t need. You can get rid of ’em. That’s a perfect example: You can do without the “th” in “them”: Get rid of ’em. There’s a wonderful hybrid word built around “’em,” and that’s “Momnem,” short, of course, for “Momma and them”: We’re going to Momnem’s house for dinner.
If I were teaching a non-native Texan to speak classic Texas dialect, I’d tell them this:
First, remove all the “g”s from “-ing” endings. If you want to start talkin’ like a true Texan, droppin’ all your “g”s is a good place to start.
You’ll also want to get rid of the “a” in “appreciate.” Just say “Preciate”: Preciate everything you’ve done for us, friend. Preciate you stoppin’ by.
You can also drop the “A” from “American.” Just say “Merican.” Similarly, you can toss out the “e” in “especially”: I bought it specially for you. I’m not specially hungry right now. It couldn’t be true, specially considerin’ I wasn’t even there.
Next, you can safely toss out the “e” in “enough”: That’s ’nough.
To sound like a real Texan, you’ll want to remove the final “w” from “window” and “pillow.” Then swap that “o” for an “a.” Say “winda” and “pilla”: Can you hand me that pilla over there by the winda?
Now get rid of the “d” in “iced tea.” Even though it’s written down, that “d” is nowhere to be found in many restaurants. So we just say “ice tea,” and some Texans squeeze the words together into one: “icetea.” It rhymes with “feisty.” (Although many Texans get rid of the “ice” altogether and simply order “tea,” because tea is automatically assumed to be iced; hot tea is not a conceivable option.)
Generally, you can get rid of the “a” in “about”: How ’bout going to see a movie? How ’bout them Cowboys? We’ve been saying “How ’bout them Cowboys!” for so long that we’ve forgotten it’s grammatically incorrect. It should be “How about those Cowboys,” of course, but that’s just nerdy grammar: So right it’s wrong.
Another serious grammatical sin, in some people’s eyes, is “ain’t,” originally a contraction of “am not,” which came to be used for “are not,” “is not,” and sometimes even “has not” or “have not.” This came to us from early 19th-century Cockney slang in England, which is why it came to be regarded as uneducated slang. But “ain’t” is often used among the most highly educated Texans as a bond of friendship: You ain’t seen nothin’ yet, buddy.
That reminds me of the great baseball player and sports commentator Dizzy Dean, who pitched for the Houston Buffaloes in the Texas League before making it to the major leagues. When he was criticized for using “ain’t” in his broadcasts, he famously remarked that there were plenty of people who “ain’t sayin’ ain’t, ain’t eatin’.”
